Reborn..

A close friend had commented on my last blog, that it would probably not take another quake to prompt me post my next blog. It took a greater one I guess – someone special entered my life heralding a huge upheaval and turning life completely topsy-turvy.

 

On eight eight zero eight God gifted me and my husband the most precious gift of our lives – our son Chandranshu. All through life I will carry a very lucid memory of that first glimpse of him on the operation table. The doctor said “Look, he is so much like his father”. I had always wished in some secret corner of my heart that I be blessed with a son (now don’t assume I am a sexist, its perfectly fine to have preferences I guess) and he be like his father. Back on my hospital bed my child lay beside me in his cradle. He was some of my choicest dreams metamorphosed into existence – new, cute, thoughtful and amazed. Eyes laden with sleep, little hands attempting to balance, those cute legs lost in an innocent cycling, those cries and shouts asking us to hold him so close.. Parenthood is difficult for sure.. Your life is completely hijacked I should say, revolving round that little soul. All Priorities reprioritize. All planning falls apart. It like living through days where each moment says ‘what man proposes God disposes’  But the intoxication of motherhood just does not cease to charm. Rediscovering yourself, rediscovering your spouse and your relationship.. its a time of discovery and revelation.. As he grows up so do you. Its like living that life again..

 

My child creates for me a whole new world. With him I visit emotions that had never knocked by being, I sense a contentment so true that I can hardly believe that it ever be, a hug so close that I really feel like one.. and after all that I can hardly believe that I gave birth to this infinite piece of bliss and joy.

For the unsung hero of my life

As I comfort my 2 month old in my arms lulling him to sleep, thoughts traverse back in time to days when I was a child. I still remember the warmth of sleeping close to maa, snuggled close to her – secure in the innocent belief that nothing could touch me. What a mother means to us we always know, but it takes to be a mother to realize what she does for you. Those thousand sacrifices that she made for me as if it were her duty, those sleepless nights she went through so that I could dwell in the lap of the sweetest slumber, those days when she went without food cause my cries would not just let her go, every time she closed her eyes in prayer, every time she just told me things would soon be fine and I believed, the so many things that words will truly fall short if I sit to pen them down. So this blog for the unsung hero of my life, without whom I would have never existed and granted existence, without her, I would have never been the person I am today.

Even today, when I am at my worst I rush back to her, seeking the comfort and solace that no one else can give. It is a love beyond expression, a magic beyond miracle, a comfort beyond all manifestation and a truth beyond the truest. The best is, you need not say, she knows it already. It is so true “tujhe sab hai pata meri maa”.

Every morning of my childhood I have woken up to your comforting voice, pressed skirts, cleaned shoes, hot steaming breakfasts and to a ready and comfortable life that you carefully tailored for me. Little did I then realize your toil that went into it. Packing my school bag, getting my homework done, ensuring I was doing well at school, getting me into and out of my playtime mode, I just accepted it was all your due. You did it all and gave me bonus too – nice warm kisses and hugs every time I was cute. As years went by I grew up to be a demanding teenager. Love then was interspersed with chides and discipline, ensuring I stayed on track. Few things that come first when I think of you – you waiting outside my Sambhu tuition with your Luna to ferry me back home in the scorching hot sun, the satisfaction on your face when I read a poem though I know you understood little, you sleeping on the divan next to that center table to ensure I studies late into the night during my entrance, your joy the day I got through Infy, your coming down to REC to pick me back home and the affection with which you took me to Apsara every time I came home. Thank you maa, I may have never said so, but nothing has gone unfelt and unregistered. Do not know if I can become a mother as good as you are, but you definitely are the best.

Love you always.